How long should a healthy relationship be before you and your significant other get married? Does it even matter??? Did they marry too fast? I have another couple friends who began their relationship in high school and waited until after they graduated from college to marry. Altogether, I think they were a couple for about six years before they married.
Did they wait too long? And how can we reliably discern how long any given relationship should be? The first reason is the strong sentiment within much of American Christendom that marriage should be pursued with intentionality and without hesitation. I believe this sentiment is greatly supported by the influence of Courtship on our Christian Christian dating how long before engagement. You might recall from my post The Matrimonial Trinity: Betrothal, Dating, and Courtship that Courtship originated in great part in response to the bad habit of many people to stay in a relationship for the enjoyment of it without seriously pursuing marriage.
One result is the idea that a couple needs to fish or cut bait when it comes to marrying. Long relationships can be frowned on as lacking in decisiveness, lacking in willingness to commit, or Christian dating how long before engagement self-indulgent. Another of the biggest reasons Christians recommend a short relationship is the reality of a couple wanting to have sex with each other.
The human sex drive can be strong enough when considering a complete stranger. Add on top "Christian dating how long before engagement" that the powerful force of the emotional attraction that binds a couple and you typically get a recipe for a strong desire between a couple to have sex.
The longer a relationship lasts, typically the stronger this sexual desire becomes. In response, many Christians counsel couples to marry quickly so they have place for biblical sexual expression. This idea holds merit. Even the Apostle Paul encouraged the Corinthian believers to marry in order to have a place to find godly sexual satisfaction and thereby avoid sexual immorality 1 Cor.
For couples facing the especially strong temptation to have sex with each other, the decision to marry quickly can be wise. The first reason is that having a longer relationship can provide greater perspective with which to choose whether to marry. Writer Ashlie Stevens describes in a blog post how she saw this phenomenon produce unhealthy marriages.
The one year count-down clock began ticking right then and there. There was no room for casual dating…. A friend of mine who was engaged at 17, called her mom after her honeymoon crying.
Having a short relationship creates a greater risk of not knowing your significant other as well as you should or not
Christian dating how long before engagement personal or relational issues that "Christian dating how long before engagement" to be settled before entering into marriage. Especially for individuals who are younger or have less experience with romantic relationships, it may be all the more important to allow more time to develop a sound foundation of relational experience.
Better to discover that before marrying than after. Another reason a longer relationship may be wise is that it can provide greater clarity to the couple.
Romantic relationships typically progress in three stages: This is a healthy progression. It includes the strong romantic attraction that binds two people together, but it also develops a healthy knowing between the two that becomes a sound foundation for marriage. A short relationship has the potential to short circuit this process. Strong emotional attraction is typically present throughout a relationship, and those strong feelings can hide personal or relational issues within the individuals or their relationship.
I once talked with a friend of mine about how he and his wife felt a strong desire to get married as they pursued their relationship. In light of their strong feelings, they decided to pull the trigger on marrying.
Afterward, they quickly discovered challenging issues in their marriage. Giving a relationship more time can sometimes help a couple see through the strong feelings and settle critical issues before tying the knot. There are arguments on both sides for either a shorter or longer relationship period.
So what timeframe is right for a relationship? Some Christian relationship pundits quantify give a particular number to how long a relationship should last. Is one year the proper amount of time
Christian dating how long before engagement teach people to stay within when it comes to getting married?
That means the proper timeframe for each relationship is different. It may be wise for such a couple to marry within eight months and unwise for them to try to wait a full year.
On the other hand, another couple might have significant issues they need to work through during the course of their relationship. Wisdom will reveal a different proper timeframe for each different relationship. Instead of trying to put a number on how long a relationship should be, we should instead practice using wisdom to discern how to best apply the principles that inform how long a given relationship should So how do you know what timeframe is right for you and your significant other?
Personal Character — Do you and your significant other both demonstrate personal and spiritual maturity? Do you both understand what marriage is like and what each of you will have to give and sacrifice in order to maintain a healthy marriage? Are you both willing to serve each other in love? Make sure that both of you have the personal character needed to have a healthy marriage. Good Relational Dynamics — Maybe both of you are mature as individuals, but has your relationship grown to maturity as well?
Do you know how to resolve conflicts in a constructive manner? Do you have a good understanding of your personalities and how their dynamics will influence your marriage? Do you need more time learning how to interact as a team rather than as individuals? Sexual Desire — How greatly are you itching to get in bed with each other? If the desire is strong then it might be wise to marry sooner in order to reduce the temptation to have premarital sex.
Getting married primarily because you want to have sex can result in all kinds of problems once the honeymoon is over.
On the other hand, if your self-restraint is strong then it may not be a bad idea to allow more time. Seek the help of a good counselor if Notice that some of these factors might conflict with each other. For example, you and your significant other might really want to have sex but also see issues in your relationship that need to be resolved before you marry.
Only wisdom can determine which is the right choice.
This might be parents, pastors, mentors, mature and trustworthy friends, or a professional counselor. How long should your relationship be before marrying? What do you think? Do you lean one way or the other when it comes to the timing of marriage? Please share in the comments! Your email address will not be published.
Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. How long (have/did) you court before engagement or currently? How about you date (I hate the term court and how Christians use it, but.
Before you can ask and answer how long Christian dating how long before engagement engagement should be, you so be sure to date long enough to resolve a few issues together.
You see, I've always had this two year rule in my mind for how long I want to date someone before we get married. Two years seems like a.